| Quotables |
"Only I wasn't steering anything, not even myself. I just bumped from my hotel to work and to parties and from parties to my hotel and back to work like a numb trolleybus. ... I felt
very still and very empty, the way the eye of a tornado must feel, moving dully along in the middle of the surrounding hullabaloo."
-- Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar |
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"On the surface, it sounds irresponsible, but to flourish in a rapidly changing world, you actually need to make more mistakes. Fail quickly. Fail often. If you do something and it
doesn't work, just recover in a hurry and try something else. ... Help develop a culture that is willing to fail its way to the future."
-- Price Pritchett, Culture Shift |
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"There is something demoralizing about watching two people get more and more crazy about each other, especially when you are the only extra person in the room. It's like watching Paris from an express caboose heading in the opposite direction -- every second the city gets smaller and smaller, only you feel it's really you getting smaller and smaller and lonelier and lonelier, rushing away from all those lights and that excitement at about a million miles an hour."
-- Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar |
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| it's like that heart song |
| Wednesday, May 6, 2009 |
Dreams are meaningful.
"You're telling me. Last night I dreamed that Xander.......... uhhhm, it wasn't Xander, in fact, it wasn't even me. It was a friend's dream, and she doesn't remember it."
Once upon a time, my dreams got so screwy (not to mention numerous) that I started a dream blog just to chronicle the madness. I don't still have the blog, but I do still have the deranged dreams sometimes, and the recurring motifs therein have got to tell a story. I just can't keep dreaming about the same shit all the time and believe it's meaningless.
I used to have pretty frequent school-related dreams; usually, it would involve going back to class after many consecutive absences, only to endure the stares, the awkwardness, and the outright panic that came along with having a semester's worth of catching up to do in a weeks' time.
I stopped having those dreams a few years ago. A while later, they were replaced with dreams that involved being caught in some kind of armed conflict or life-threatening situation in which I carry firearms -- sometimes large, powerful, automatic weapons -- that will not fire when I need them to. Other times, the gun will fire, and I can see the bullets hitting the target, but it has no effect; the enemy keeps coming regardless.
And sometimes... occasionally... there are zombies. What the hell is going on in my head sometimes?
Last night was a textbook example.
My brother, my mom, and I were holed up in our house, my childhood home where I grew up. I don't know where my dad was. But there was a zombie outbreak of some kind, and my brother and I carried guns that were minimal but probably sufficient for the situation. Now, the whole idea is to keep the house fortified and zombie-free; in all the movies I've seen, that's the best way to survive, keep them from getting in in the first place. Well, these guys got in pretty early. My mom started to cry, knowing it meant we would probably lose the house one way or another, and she tearfully asked if there was anything we wanted from our rooms before we left. But we didn't have time; decayed corpses filed into the living room sporadically, and for some reason, the shotgun I had wouldn't fire if I pulled the trigger with my left hand. It almost felt like there was tape holding it back if I did it that way. If I pulled the trigger with my right hand, the gun fired, but didn't appear to do any damage. Bashing them with the butt end of the gun was the only way to keep them back. Some of the zombies were even elementary-age kids, and shots to the face only seemed to placate them temporarily, which I thought was odd.
So, dream enthusiasts: analyze away. I have my theories... what are some of yours? Recurring for a reason, or just gibberish that reflects my love of horror movies?
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posted by N.T. @ 1:10 AM  |
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| 1 Comments: |
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i have the same dream about returning to class after having missed it all semester, except i show up on the last day with a huge exam to take or a 20 page paper due! The only thing i could come up with for that was that i was feeling insufficient in my life somehow? not sure though. As for the zombie dreams..i also have dreams where i can't stop an eminent threat, but usually it's cuz i can't run or scream or hitting them doesn't do anything. sounds kinda similar to your zombie ones. i think it means i've been frustrated w/ something in real life (consciously or subconsciously). or maybe you were just laying on your left hand while you slept :)
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i have the same dream about returning to class after having missed it all semester, except i show up on the last day with a huge exam to take or a 20 page paper due! The only thing i could come up with for that was that i was feeling insufficient in my life somehow? not sure though. As for the zombie dreams..i also have dreams where i can't stop an eminent threat, but usually it's cuz i can't run or scream or hitting them doesn't do anything. sounds kinda similar to your zombie ones. i think it means i've been frustrated w/ something in real life (consciously or subconsciously). or maybe you were just laying on your left hand while you slept :)