"Only I wasn't steering anything, not even myself. I just bumped from my hotel to work and to parties and from parties to my hotel and back to work like a numb trolleybus. ... I felt
very still and very empty, the way the eye of a tornado must feel, moving dully along in the middle of the surrounding hullabaloo."
-- Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar
"On the surface, it sounds irresponsible, but to flourish in a rapidly changing world, you actually need to make more mistakes. Fail quickly. Fail often. If you do something and it
doesn't work, just recover in a hurry and try something else. ... Help develop a culture that is willing to fail its way to the future."
-- Price Pritchett, Culture Shift
"There is something demoralizing about watching two people get more and more crazy about each other, especially when you are the only extra person in the room. It's like watching Paris from an express caboose heading in the opposite direction -- every second the city gets smaller and smaller, only you feel it's really you getting smaller and smaller and lonelier and lonelier, rushing away from all those lights and that excitement at about a million miles an hour."
-- Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar
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Friday, July 3, 2009
Tonight (I guess it was technically last night), my folks and I went up to a ball game at the stadium and got shut down 4-1. But that's not what I'm here to complain about.
As a side note... does it trouble anyone else that I have come home from every single ball game this year with a complaint? It's almost as though going to a game is a chore anymore, which is a bad sign.
This isn't a new complaint, though, and it's not limited to the ballpark by any stretch, it's all around us: everything... and let me emphasize this properly...
EVERYTHING...
... has a goddamn logo on it. A fucking sponsor. Some dumb ass company splashing their name across it so that you'll see it and want to buy something. You can't wipe your ass anymore without taking a trip to the Coca-Cola Restroom Facilities. It makes me ill, to be perfectly honest.
At our ballpark, they have bits of entertainment on the scoreboard in between innings that are fun to watch, but they're included in the advertising madness. There's the Heinz Hot Dog Derby, the Schweigert Hot Dog Launch, the John Deere Lawn Mower Race, the Midwest Airlines Suitcase Shuffle, and much, much more.
The kid-size baseball diamond called The Little K? It's now the John Deere Little K. We've also got the Pepsi Party Porch, the Miller Lite Party Deck, as well as the MLB2K9 Game Lounge, and entire sections of seating called the Dri-Duck Fountain Seats and the Hy-Vee View Level.
Entire stadiums and arenas have fallen victim to this, and some of them have shed some pretty historic names in the process: in 2003, Comisky Park was re-named U.S. Cellular Field after those asswipes purchased the naming rights for $68 million. Seattle has Safeco Field; Tampa has Tropicana Field; Detroit has Comerica Park; Cleveland has Progressive Field; and that's just American League Teams.
Never mind the National League stadiums, which include Citizens Bank Park, AT&T Park, Petco Park, PNC Park, and Minute Maid Park.
Altogether, a whopping eighteen of the thirty Major League Baseball stadiums have sold out their names to a fucking sponsor.
Can't we just have a party deck? Why can't we just have fountain seats? Two years ago at Kauffman Stadium in Kansas City, the grass beyond the center field wall was just that -- outfield grass. And that was nice... until John Deere paid to mow their fucking logo into the grass for a hefty sponsorship fee.
We can't even have grass without somebody slapping a goddamn logo on it.
Many cities and towns across the country have considered selling ad space on police cars to raise revenue. And then there was that wretched idea to put satellite billboards in space that would be visible in the night sky from the ground. When you think about the lengths to which these marketing weasels are willing to go to make their next buck, a company logo cut into the stadium grass shouldn't surprise me... but somehow it still does.
Needless to say, I'm going to buy what I'm going to buy -- half the time it's generic store brands anyway -- and no amount of hitting me over the head with company logos is going to make any difference.
I'm off to my Mattress Firm bed now; I'll shut down my Dell computer, brush my Arm & Hammer Baking Soda teeth, and get myself a good night's sleep, sponsored by Unisom.
This entry wraps up our annual 30 Days of Blog campaign. Yeah, the first and last entries of the month pretty much write themselves, you jot down something about how you're going to have all this free time on your hands, and if you're not blogging, what are you really going to be doing with yourself, anyway?
Believe me, something will come up.
Many thanks to my good friend Jerry for his successful participation in this year's 30 Days, and big hugs go out to Katherine and Jen, who, um... were not as overwhelmingly successful. But like NaNoWriMo, the important thing is that you stepped up to the plate and gave it a few swings. My intention from this point on is always to blog much more often than I used to, even if it's not daily, so we'll see how much luck I have with that.
Having said all that, this concludes our 30 Days of Blog, we will have to do it again next year. :)
I may have mentioned to some of you that I've taken up walking in the evenings. That's right, I'm deliberately getting exercise. I got the idea from my folks, who walk 3+ miles a night for health reasons. I've started noticing more muffin-top action over the last few years than I'd like, and I don't have the spare cash laying around to go torture myself at a gym, so... I walk. Two miles a night, now. I started small, right after we got back from Texas, at one mile a night, and quickly moved up to two. It's only been a couple of weeks, and I'm already noticing how much better I feel the next day, and most of the time I'm not even winded at the end of the two miles, so there you go.
I had to miss several days last week because it was so damned hot and/or raining, but that seems to have calmed down some, and I'm back to my routine. I take the GPS with me, and that helps me keep track of how far I've gone... although coming soon, I won't need that anymore, because I've got a nice route all nailed down, and in fact, I didn't even need the GPS tonight, so I'll probably leave it at home from now on. I probably will invest in a nice big can of pepper spray, though.
If you haven't seen The Proposal, you must put it on your list before the summer's out. I've seen it twice already, and it was so much fun, it's one of my favorite movies of 2009 so far.
On the other hand, if you're thinking of seeing Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, you might give that a second thought.
I've posted both reviews over at Movie-Popcorn. I'm slowly getting back on the reviewing horse. Hell, it's summer, what better time, right?
About an hour ago, I went outside to assess the parking situation.
The two vehicles parked in handicapped spaces had hang tags (looks like I was wrong about the plate); the third such space was empty. Whomever it was provided for probably hasn't moved in quite yet, or hasn't moved in completely; as such, I'm also going to be keeping track of how long that space stays empty, and if it's more than a week, I might call the office and ask what's going on.
Update: I was actually right about the plate -- two hang tags and one disabled plate, so all three appear legitimate. That doesn't mean I won't be keeping my eye on things out there, though.
OK, how big a jerk am I? We're about to find out, and the second part of that answer is, I don't much care.
As you all know, I live in an apartment complex. There are parking spaces directly in front of the building as well as a 'center ring' of sorts, if you can imagine that. It sounds like a lot, but there isn't as much parking as you might think, and besides that, I don't want to have to park in the center ring. I've lived here almost nine years, I want to park directly in front of my building.
A little over a year ago, a handicapped parking sign popped up in front of one of the spaces in front of my building. I thought it was strange; I hadn't noticed anyone with a disability, although they could have just moved in at the time, and on top of that, the sign didn't look like it would pass muster if scrutinized by a city official. I know there are regulations that dictate how high a sign must be posted, along with various other minutiae including how reflective the paint must be, etc.
I didn't love losing a potential parking space, but really, what are you going to say about it, right?
Just a couple of months later, a second handicapped sign popped up, and once again, it was right in front of my building. Now there were two spaces that were automatically off-limits, and this irritated me to the point where I thought about calling the city and asking them to come inspect them, the idea being that if they weren't up to spec, the city would remove them.
My first thought was that the complex is private property, and if that was the case, the city would probably tell me they couldn't do anything about it. But, if they couldn't do anything about it, then that must also mean they can't write you a parking ticket for violating this so-called handicapped zone. I haven't tested that, and in fact at the time, I decided not to rock the boat at all; I'm working up a pitch to see if I can't get the landlord to replace my carpet without raising my rent, and since my rent hasn't gone up in six years, I'm not anxious to draw attention to myself.
Imagine my irritation, then, when today, a third handicapped sign appeared, once again in front of my building. And I about fucking lost it.
Really? Three fucking handicapped spaces in front of one building, and none by any other building in the complex? Where are these gimps coming from, and why are they all moving into my building? It's going to get to the point where there's nowhere for anyone else to park in this motherfucker. Parking was at a premium a year ago; now, so many people are claiming disabilities that within another year's time, I'll be parking on the adjacent street.
You can bet your ass I'll be watching those spaces like a hawk. The vehicles that park in the first two appear to have the proper permits; one has a disabled plate and the other has a hang tag. But if I ever see anyone parked there that doesn't, I will report them on the first offense. If the city can't do anything, I'll report it to the landlord and log every incident. But someone will hear about it.
Friday, to me, is one of the most promising days of the week. In particular, it's the promise of a nice weekend that gets my attention. :) I had tried to get some people together for the drive-in tomorrow night, but that didn't materialize because everyone had so much to do already. One guy's out of town, too, so we'll try it when he gets back. Also, next week is a four-day week, and that's never a bad thing.
Today was kind of an allergy day, so I'm going to call it a night here pretty quick. I had planned on rearranging my bedroom tonight so that the desktop is on one power strip and the DSL modem and wireless router are on quite another, but that won't happen until tomorrow either; I want to be able to unplug the computer in bad weather without losing the option of getting online via wireless. That way, if anything gets fried by lightning, it'll be a $50 router instead of a $600 desktop.
I haven't had a chance to breathe today or tonight. I had a couple of projects put on my desk first thing this morning that have so many issues, they're still not resolved. I won't write about them here, it's just work shit, but you know... it wears me out.
I finally did it. I went and got me one of those fancy Netbooks at the behest of my brother-in-law and sister, who sang its praises and steered me away from the Kindle in the process. Here are my thoughts on this puppy so far.
My brother-in-law heard I was fixin' to spend nearly $400 on a Kindle and said look... for quite a bit less than that, you can get yourself a Netbook, do all the same shit, and have all the functionality of a laptop at the same time. His was an Acer, and he had only good things to say about it; he even pointed me, some time ago, to several sites that offered e-books free of charge. So I gathered up my birthday money and Amazon gift cards and placed an order for an Asus instead (I had been warned about Acer computers by Gary, my IT guy) at the low, low price of $269.99.
So far, it's been worth every penny, although it seems a bit incongruous to substitute it for a Kindle; I can already tell you I'm still going to want one of those. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
Its complete name is the Asus Eee PC 900HA 8.9-inch Netbook. It is quite a bit smaller than my sister's, as I remember, so she may have gotten the 10-inch screen, I'll have to ask her. It has a 1.6 GHz processor, 1 GB of RAM, which makes me happy, and a 160 GB hard drive, which is twice the size of my desktop. And it's running XP, which almost goes without saying, but I'm saying it because I'm happy about it, tools.
It is so small that it does not feature a CD-ROM of any description, but its compactness is part of what I like so much about it. And it does come with three USB ports, an ethernet port, an external monitor connection, and an SD card slot. The wi-fi is fantastic, and something I've never played with before, but an additional $50 at Microcenter snagged me a wireless router last night, and now I can be seen blogging and surfing goat porn all throughout my apartment and beyond. I am learning from it every day; I have never owned a laptop of any description.
At first, my main concern was the size of the keyboard. I am slowly getting used to it, but the first couple of days were filled with typos and cursing, cursing and typos; the shift key on the right side is one-third the size of the shift key on the left side, and I found myself hitting enter or 'up' every time I needed to shift. I've accidentally deleted entire paragraphs with this mistake; thankfully we have the 'undo' command at our disposal. But the more I type on it (I thought my product review would be less than sincere if I didn't write it up on the unit itself, so I am), the more I'm convinced it's something I can overcome with time. The small-ish space bar is also less accessible than I'd like, and occasionally, the touchpad is less sensitive than I would prefer as well.
No, the keyboard will not, in the end, be my primary complaint in an otherwise favorable review. What bothers me most is the battery life. The label on the keyboard boasts a five-hour battery life, which would be insufficient on its own, but the reality is that with a 98% charge, the battery monitor tells me I have 3.5 hours of operation left. That is simply inexcusable, and this is why the Netbook will never be a suitable substitute for the Kindle. The aforementioned battery life label displays a URL that is most likely aimed at teaching the user how to maximize the battery's charge, but when I enter it into the address bar, I only get an error message.
To be completely fair, though, charging the unit for one full hour will bring the battery back up above 80%, so the turnaround is quick in that respect. Plus, you can always use the machine while it's plugged in, as with any laptop.
Overall, it is one of the coolest things I've ever owned. It is extremely compact and transportable, it's powerful and has a ton of storage space, and it doubles as a portable DVD player even without a DVD-ROM; just plug it up to an external drive and transfer a movie onto its enormous hard drive, and you're set.
Oh yeah... I can see this thing costing me a lot of sleep over the next couple of weeks, and not in a bad way.
In the interest of avoiding a computer-crippling lightning strike, this post was not published until the morning after it was written. This disclaimer is written to maintain the integrity of our 30 Days of Blog campaign.
On a complete lark this afternoon, I hopped on Microcenter and NewEgg to shop around for wireless routers. On recommendations from Gary, my IT guy at work, I gave preference to Linksys and d-Link and couldn't believe some of the deals I found. NewEgg had a d-Link for $38, but after some consideration, I realized I didn't feel like waiting until sometime next week to receive it. I bought the thing from Microcenter, then, and arranged for in-store pickup after work.
It was only a shade over $50 including tax, and the installation could not have been easier. My biggest problem was deciding where to set it on my desk. It was all but completely automated, which was great in terms of usability and expeditious operation, but on the down side, I didn't learn anything. So I have quite a bit of reading to do to make sure I've done all I need to do in the interest of security. The one I bought is Linksys, which I found out later is a division of Cisco... and believe me, in the IT world, no two words go better together than "Cisco" and "router."
More to come on the Netbook. I've got to shut down, there's apparently a gigantic thunderstorm coming, and I've been down that road before, as you know.
Is anyone in the viewing audience familiar with Netbooks? Because I got one on Friday and I've been trying it out as much as I can. When I'm not otherwise occupied, I will write up a full review with my thoughts and experiences so far, but I have to say that up to this point, I'm pretty happy with it.
As a preview, I do plan on upgrading the RAM to 2 gigs and setting up a wireless router for it in my apartment, because I'm just not crazy about the idea of using the unsecured connection that manages to graze my building in the evenings.
In the meantime, does anyone have any thoughts or tips regarding wireless routers/networks, or netbooks/laptops in general? I have never owned any of the above in my life, so if there are any common pitfalls to avoid, I'd love to hear about them.
So I'm sitting here s-l-o-w-l-y working on my review of The Proposal for Movie-Popcorn, and several things occur to me, not the least of which is that it's getting more and more difficult to write movie reviews every week. That's why I can't always do it. I need to get back in the swing, though.
When you announce yourself as a movie critic on the Internet -- a position, by the way, which requires no formal training or education whatsoever, but which benefits from a strong writing background, if not one in broadcasting and film -- a number of misconceptions immediately pop into everyone's heads. I will take a few moments to debunk the most common ones.
Myth #1: You've seen everything. "WHAT?! You mean you've never seen [ title goes here ]?! And you call yourself a movie critic?!"
Because as I was saying before, reviewing movies on the Internet requires no particular background. And somehow, it's easy for people to forget that even though you are a "critic" now, you haven't always been one, just like your preacher wasn't always a preacher, if you know what I mean. No, I haven't seen everything, and I don't care to. That's not what it's about.
Myth #2: You will see everything that comes out. Now that would be a neat trick. This coming week alone, there are two movies opening in wide release and six in limited release; God only knows how many indie films are hitting one screen in New York, two screens in L.A., etc. Do you have the money to see all that shit? Do you have the time to track down theaters showing the ones in limited release? Then, do you have the time to write up all the reviews? You see where I'm going with this. Even Roger Ebert doesn't see everything; poke around on his web site and you'll see what I mean.
Myth #3: You automatically get advance screenings. You mean putting together your own web site doesn't guarantee you'll see stuff before everyone else? And you have to pay for 'em too, what kinda deal is that? I've never looked into it, but I have a feeling you would need some pretty serious credentials to persuade a theater chain to let you screen things before they're released. More often, movie critics attend press screenings, and although the credential requirement isn't usually as stiff, such screenings don't go on much around here, at least that I'm aware of. No, we here at Movie-Popcorn are subject to the same release dates you are.
Understandable misconceptions, all... at least, until you actually think about them. What we try to do is figure out which movies are going to be the biggest draws of the weekend and hit those reviews as early as we can. We don't always succeed; sometimes we miss the mark on what's popular, and other times, life just gets in the way. That's been happening a lot lately, but going forward, I hope to make the rest of 2009 a pretty solid review year for Movie-Popcorn. Like blogging, there's no better way to build an audience than by consistently writing.
It's an All-Snot week, Trolleybusers, the first of its kind, so let's get crackin'.
Who's Snot: the RIAA... again For: Frivolous litigation By now you've heard about the jury who fined a 32-year-old mother of two nearly $2 million for various alleged Internet-related copyright infringements. You all know how I feel about this; I've blogged about my distaste for the record companies' desperate, greedy attempts to sue back the losses they've suffered during hard economic times. But an $80,000-per-song penalty is indefensible by any standard of punitive measure. Federal law allows for up to $150,000 per song, but let's be realistic about something: one song? One hundred and fifty grand? Since when did entire albums cost more than $20 up in this motherfucker? The judge in her first trial called her original penalty of $222,000 "wholly disproportionate," and an attorney in the case is quoted as saying, "... she's been fined $1.9 million for stealing [sic] 24 songs that went for about $1.99 on iTunes. There's no way that can be the correct result." Yeah, no shit.
Who's Snot: the anti-equality hawks in Maine For: Opposing equal rights Apparently it isn't enough to ban equal protection in California, now the gay-bashing hordes in Maine have hired the Proposition 8 PR firm to come do their dirty work as well. In all my life, I've never seen people go to such lengths to make sure they get rights that others don't. Are they really that anxious to force their religious beliefs on everyone else? Because that always seems to be the basis for their argument -- religion, the Bible, Jesus, Christianity. Well guess what, kids. The Bible doesn't rule this land, and no Jesus I ever knew would fight to ensure the civil oppression of a portion of the citizenry. Air your personal distaste for homosexuality any way you see fit; that's your right under the First Amendment. But don't try to legislate one set of religious beliefs to the exclusion of things like the Constitution -- that's a right you don't have.
Who's Snot: PETA For: Their fuss over the fly Has it really come to this? People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals has berated President Obama for swatting and killing a fly in a television interview this week. Instead of taking out the pesky insect himself, they expected him to somehow trap it and release it outside; they even sent him a Katcha Bug Humane Bug Catcher for that very purpose. PETA spokesman Bruce Friedrich said, "We support compassion even for the most curious, smallest, and least sympathetic animals." To which the entire country replied: IT'S A FLY.
Last time, in our weekly installment of Who's Hot & Who's Snot, we here at Numb Trolleybus lauded what we considered Congress's progress in regulating the stain on society that is tobacco. My friend Jerry, who is also participating in our 30 Days of Blog campaign, responded to our post with one of his own over at The Doghouse. In his post, he correctly asserted that our early colonial economy would not have survived if not for both tobacco and cotton, and that the United States continued to prosper as well as it did for the next century thanks in great part to the very tobacco plant we now vilify.
He's not wrong on any particular point; you'll have to forgive me, though, if I don't shed any tears for this dubious "friend" of centuries past, and also if I don't feel I owe a debt of gratitude, either. If we were talking about my grandmother, whose crass, offensive attitudes are greatly overshadowed by her sizable contributions to my education, then I'd be much less inclined to spread criticism.
But it's not an embarrassing family member, it's an industry that knowingly sells deadly, addictive chemicals, the health hazards of which it denied for decades. Past economic gains are cold comfort; if that was the only consideration, we'd still have slavery.
Like Jerry, I usually come down on the side of individual freedoms, and up to a point, that includes the right to freely put into your body whatever you choose. Unfortunately, in the case of smokers, it's not just their bodies they're poisoning with these chemicals, it's bystanders' bodies as well, and that's where I draw the line. Secondhand smoke is a documented reality, and it's largely unavoidable even in outdoor settings. I can, then, potentially suffer and die from the same cancers that kill smokers -- thanks entirely to someone else's smoking habit.
In addition, they have deliberately marketed their addictive products to the most vulnerable members of our society in the hopes of "getting them early," and then, when it's lawsuit time forty years down the road, falling back on the argument that you're responsible for what goes into your body. Well, when this type of strategy becomes the basis for your very livelihood, you can't expect people to take your side when the government steps in to regulate the poisons you peddle. And believe me, they will step in.
This is a partial look at why I was so grateful that the tobacco industry will be subject to a whole slew of new regulations in the future, and I didn't feel the need to give tobacco a hug afterwards. Listen, the U.S. economy no longer survives on half a dozen industries the way it did back in the day. And although I can't verify this in any quantifiable way, it makes intuitive sense to say that given our advances in technology, refinement, and genetic engineering, smoking today is likely much more dangerous than it was when our country was born. It's fair to say that smoking ain't what it used to be -- it's actually worse.
Yes, people are responsible for their own actions, and that goes for the good people at Philip Morris, Inc. as well. When what you sell kills millions, you will eventually be taken to task for everything you've done to promote it.
A new semi-regular feature here on Numb Trolleybus, it's bound to become a favorite... What Not to Say.
Coming from a guy with an English degree, this can't be a surprise.
What Not to Say: Ending sentences with "so..." Because it doesn't complete the thought, and on top of that, it makes you sound flippant and presumptuous. "Yeah, he didn't feel like coming, so..." So what? So he stayed home? What to say instead: "So he fucking stayed home."
What Not to Say: "Off the beaten track." Because there is no beaten track, there is only a beaten path. That's the phrase: off the beaten path. Paths are beaten, whereas tracks or laid or paved, usually with asphalt, concrete, or that horrible rubber surfacing stuff they use in track and field events. What to say instead: "Off the beaten path," dumb ass.
What Not to Say: "5 a.m. in the morning." Because it's redundant. The term "a.m." indicates morning, so the phrase "5 a.m. in the morning" is the same as saying "5 this morning in the morning." What to say instead: 5 a.m. today, or 5 o'clock in the morning.
What Not to Say: "Midnight tonight." Because there is no midnight tonight. Midnight is a.m. and is therefore in the morning. And while we're on the subject, the new day begins at straight-up midnight, not 12:01. Check your watch, your computer's clock, or Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve if you don't believe me. What to say instead: "Midnight."
What Not to Say: "Irregardless." Because it isn't a word, period. The prefix ir-, in this context, means "without," and so does the suffix -less. So "irregardless" would literally mean "without regard without." What to say instead: "Regardless" works every time.
Today I scored tickets for this Saturday's game against the damnable St. Louis Cardinals, section 140 right next to the dugout, 3:10 start time. Parking pass, too.
Every year, we say the same thing: they ought to eat our lunch. They're currently at .547 and we're at .446, and our W-L records are practically mirror images (that is, we've lost as many as they've won and vice versa). But last year it was even worse than this, and we wound up taking four out of six games from them, including a three-game sweep in St. Louis.
In other words, it's just like MU vs. KU -- the records are what they are, but when we play each other, all bets are off.
My dad and I hit an MLB game again tonight, and this one... didn't go so well for us. I'm not in any hurry to get back, needless to say.
To begin with, the web site said the game had an 8:10 start time, which is really rare; night home games almost always start at 7:10. So my dad and I went and got a taco before we left for the stadium, thinking we had an extra hour. As we approached the place, we could hear the starting lineups being announced, and we knew we had a 7:10 game after all. We wound up missing the top of the first inning and getting shitty seats, as you'll see. The team's web site has since been corrected.
So with all the renovations they've done to the stadium, they also put in a new section of seating sponsored by Dri-Duck called the Dri-Duck Fountain Seats, and they're only $7 each. We hadn't tried those out yet, so around 1:00 this afternoon, I drove over to the ticket window at the stadium to get a couple.
There was a sign up that said the fountain seats were only sold after 4:30 p.m., and only at Gate E. All right, I came back at 4:30... and found that they were already charging for parking. You could no longer get up to the ticket window without forking over $9 to park for five minutes.
I went back to work thinking we'd head over there once I was off and get them then. Turns out the fountain seats had sold out in under 20 minutes, and the least expensive seats left were $18 each.
All right, we grabbed two of those... and they were lousy. They were the nose-bleedingest seats we'd ever gotten, and to make things worse, the atrocious new glass railings they installed on that level blocked our view of the field to an extent that the old railings never did. We just... did the best we could. Good thing we won the game 5-0, we at least had that.
So the question remains: how do you get to the ticket window for fountain seats without being gouged for parking? My theory is that you don't; they've set the times the way they have so that everyone who gets those cheap seats will also have to pay for parking, and they recoup some of they money they've "lost." It also wouldn't surprise me if they make you show your parking receipt as a requirement for getting tickets in that section, but I have yet to put that to the test.
Not to mention the fact that there's been a significant jump in ticket prices, presumably to pay for the renovations, despite the fact that the renovations were supposed to be paid for by the tax hike we saw over a year ago. Boy, if I hadn't already lost all respect for the organization, I probably have now.
I got this e-mail from a friend, and not only did I laugh my ass off, it makes perfect sense! I think I'm going to try these. :)
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake? A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: no pain -- good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you? A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me? A: Are you crazy? HELLO? Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure? A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle? A: Hey, round is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember: Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, Chardonnay in one hand, chocolate in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming, "Woo hoo! What a ride!"
AND.....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
Nothing like working all of saturday afternoon to make your weekend feel like it barely exists.
Saw The Hangover and Land of the Lost today, both of them very strong comedies aimed at different audiences, both of them very, very funny in their own ways. More later, because there was more to them than that, at least for me.
Who's Hot: Congress, for once For: Voting to regulate tobacco I know, I know... everyone wants less government intervention, not more. But I damn near died the first time I heard that the Food and Drug Administration doesn't regulate tobacco. They lord over everything from cosmetics to Bayer aspirin, but one of the most deadly, addictive compounds to enter into the daily human culture remained virtually untouched. This week, Congress voted to change that, and I couldn't be happier. Despite the howling cries of suicidals who insist they're entitled to kill themselves slowly and inflict enormous drains on the health care system in the process, this vote sends a message to the contrary that's about forty years overdue. And the overwhelming majority by which the vote passed was the perfect exclamation point.
Who's Snot: 2.8 Million U.S. households For: Still being unprepared for the digital switch Really? Two years of advertising and publicity for the change to digital broadcasting, months and months and months of coupon-mailing antics on the part of the Feds, and according to Nielsen, there are still nearly 3 million households in this country that are caught with their pants down, watching a screen full of snow as of 9 a.m. Central time yesterday. One deadline already passed; you got your extension and still can't keep up. The headlines indicate "confusion" as analog broadcasting ceases and one Federal hotline logs 800,000 calls; I'd be confused, too, if my head was that far up my ass.
Who's Snot: The Supreme Court For: Upholding "don't ask, don't tell" If we didn't aleady have a shining example of how not to treat your already oppressed second-class citizenry in California, this week the Supreme Court found insufficient reason -- beyond common sense, apparently -- to repeal the military's discriminatory "don't ask, don't tell" policy, essentially prohibiting gay people from being honest about who they are with their commanders and fellow servicemen. What didn't make headlines was whether heterosexual servicemen will also be required to refrain from talking about their wives and girlfriends. You can bet that ain't part of the deal.
... when I actually can post pics and stories from our Texas trip last week.
I went from a week's vacation straight into a busy, hectic week at work with no segue at all, no break in between whatsoever. I have to work some tomorrow also, but I will have the relevant goodies up and available before the weekend is out. In the meantime... sleeeeeeeeeeeeep.............
Monster Assault, the 'red' kind, tastes almost exactly like Red Bull, but costs about half as much.
If you're into energy drinks and like Red Bull but don't like paying almost $4.50 per 16 oz. jag, try this out.
For the record, I have Tyler to thank for my recent experimentation in Energy Drinkland. I'm not going to make a habit of it, but it will get me through this post-vacation week pretty well.
No, you're not what's considered traditional college students. Most of you are quite a bit older. With this fact in mind, it seems reasonable to assume that you would need less babysitting... not more.
Now if you're a first-term student, fine, ask a million questions and look lost for a while. But once you've been at this for three, four, five, six terms or more, you should have a pretty damn good idea of what's going on.
Unfortunately, most of you still have your heads as far up your asses as you ever did.
Do you think either of the colleges I attended had someone waiting inside the door to direct me to the proper classroom? No. It was up to me to plan in advance: arrive early enough, schedule in hand, to figure it out my damn self. And figure it out my damn self was what I did, because I was an adult... even though I was less than half your age.
Are you really going to show up on the first day of class without your schedule? Really? You have no idea the name of the class, the instructor, or the classroom; somehow it's our responsibility to babysit you. What do you think this is, a bed and fucking breakfast?
Where I went to school, no one issued new copies of schedules in the front lobby on the first six days of the term because we'd lost the umpteen originals we'd been issued. No one retrieved my books for me on the first day. These were things we had to do on our own, in advance, with no hand-holding, and we pulled it off our damn selves because we were adults... even though we were less than half your age. Are you seeing a pattern?
To an extent, it really is our fault. Granted, that's a collective "our," meaning the school, not mine personally; if it was up to me, you'd either sink or swim and I wouldn't be there to see it. "We" have babied you for so long and to such an extent that when you walk in those front doors, you're not capable of doing anything on your own. And that is sad, because do you really think future employers, assuming you have any, are going to hold your dicks while you pee? Oh, a little to the left? Of course not. So I don't see the benefit of doing it now.
I will do my job according to its parameters. And when you ask hare-brained questions, like if students are alphabetized according to first name or last, I won't respond wittily. I'll just give you the same look I did that monkey behind the shit-stained glass... because for all intents and purposes, is there any real difference?
I am currently working on getting some photos from last week's trip sized and suitable for posting.
The Houston Astros site is being a little bitch and not making our group shot readily available, but believe me, I will crack it. No MLB bitch gonna try and sell me my own picture.
The pics of my nephew are priceless. That's the other promise I'm making... he's cuter'n hell. It might take a few days, but I'll get 'em.
